we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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