Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
