If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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