We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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