You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
