Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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