Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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