best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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