HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
