shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
