Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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