I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize