if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
