how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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