Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You may now shotgun with the bride
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize