If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
