ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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