I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
