Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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