My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
