i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
