So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
