can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I pour the whiskey from now on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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