Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
