DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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