I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
