You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
