6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
