My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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