In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
