Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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