I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
