hell yes lets make some ravioli
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
