she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I believe in your delicious
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
