There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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