Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
