I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
