I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
