I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
