What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
