i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
