Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
