I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
