I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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