It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wear drunk well.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
