Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
