Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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