there was a trapeze. enough said
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
