remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize