if i can run in heels then i can drive
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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