I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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