i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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