i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
