i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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