When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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