just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
