I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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