Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
