Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
