you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
