come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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