I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
