her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize