What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
