dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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