Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
