Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
