Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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