So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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