some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
