somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you would pick up someone in the library
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This baby is an asshole
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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