And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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