a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
