Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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