What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
