My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
