you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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